Monday, 8 October 2018

Self Sabotage and I

For years and years, I have been my own worst enemy. I'm forever convincing myself that the things I truly want in life are stupid or just too far-fetched, I'm sure that is some other people out there who can also relate to this. I am forever getting in my own way and it has taken me until now to realise just how much I sabotage my own happiness and contentment.

I cannot even count on both hands how many times I have talked myself out of something or told myself that something I want to do in order to make myself a better person will never work. I am constantly someone who gets in the way of their own happiness. I've found over the last few years that my self-sabotage shows itself most in my weight loss journey, I went more into my journey in this post. For about three years, I've been trying to become a healthier and more active person in many ways - not just focusing on food. The only problem is that I am constantly in my own way. I make plans to become this better person but I just always seem to find a way to ruin it for myself.

Honestly, I cannot explain why I do this to myself because I know that I want to make these changes for myself. I don't know if I do this because it's how I am comfortable, I have my routines in place and I'm used to them. I've been doing the same things for so long that it was hard for me to admit that the habits I have now are not going to help me be healthy - not now and no ever. I'll make a plan to eat foods that give my body the nutrients that I need then just go out and buy some chocolate. Or I'll go to the gym then 'reward' myself with a McDonalds. Even though I am fully aware that the habits I have right now do me no good, I just continue to make no changes. For some reason, I just refuse to do anything that helps me be the best version of myself.

However, with all this being said, I will keep trying. Self-sabotage is just something that I'm going to have to overcome and I'm sure that when I finally do that I'll be stronger than ever. I am slowly learning how to get over being my biggest enemy. One big thing that's really helped me is stopping comparing myself to other people.

I am such a sucker for comparing myself to people over and over. I compare my grades, blog stats, followers, appearance etc. I used to be jealous of peoples success and achievements. I would put myself down because I wasn't them or I wasn't achieving what they were. This year, I've put a huge stop to this. I have put a lot of my energy and focus on being happy for people rather than jealous. It was a hard habit to break but with perseverance, I have managed to stop being so critical of myself when I should be celebrating peoples success while working on my own too.

I am positive that one day I will look in the mirror and believe that I am the best I can be. Until then, I'm going to keep learning to love myself and grow as a person in a positive way.

Thank you so much for reading this post, it's kind of jumbled but that's because I just tried writing it as it came to my head so I could be as honest as possible. I'm really enjoying being more open and honest on my blog, I feel much more comfortable using my blog as I am now.
"We sabotage the great things in lives because deep down we don't feel worthy of having great things" - Taresa Riazzi.
Lots of loves, 

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