For years and years, I have been my own worst enemy. I’m forever convincing myself that the things I truly want in life are stupid or just too far-fetched, I’m sure that is some other people out there who can also relate to this. I am forever getting in my own way and it has taken me until now to realise just how much I sabotage my own happiness and contentment.
I cannot even count on both hands how many times I have talked myself out of something. I’ve found over the last few years that my self-sabotage shows itself most in my weight loss journey, I went more into my journey in this post. For about three years, I’ve been trying to become a healthier. The only problem is that I am constantly in my own way. I make plans to become this better person. However, I just always seem to find a way to ruin it for myself.
Honestly, I cannot explain why I do this to myself because I know that I want to make these changes for myself. I don’t know if I do this because it’s how I am comfortable. I have my routines in place and I’m used to them. I’ll make a plan to eat foods that give my body the nutrients that I need then just go out and buy some chocolate. Or I’ll go to the gym then ‘reward’ myself with a McDonalds. Even though I am fully aware that the habits I have right now do me no good, I just continue to make no changes. For some reason, I just refuse to do anything that helps me be the best version of myself.
However, with all this being said, I will keep trying. Self-sabotage is just something that I’m going to have to overcome. I am slowly learning how to get over being my biggest enemy. One big thing that’s really helped me is stopping comparing myself to other people.
I am such a sucker for comparing myself to people over and over. All the time I would compare my grades, blog stats, followers, appearance etc. I used to be jealous of peoples success and achievements. Honestly, I would put myself down because I wasn’t them or I wasn’t achieving what they were. This year, I’ve put a huge stop to this. I have put a lot of my energy and focus on being happy for people rather than jealous. It was a hard habit to break but with perseverance, I have managed to stop being so critical of myself. I should be celebrating peoples success while working on my own too.
I am positive that one day I will look in the mirror and feel good about myself. Until then, I’m going to keep learning to love myself and grow as a person in a positive way.
Thank you so much for reading this post, it’s kind of jumbled but that’s because I just tried writing it as it came to my head so I could be as honest as possible. I’m really enjoying being more open and honest on my blog, I feel much more comfortable using my blog as I am now.
“We sabotage the great things in lives because deep down we don’t feel worthy of having great things” – Taresa Riazzi.
Lots of loves,