Saying no can be super hard for some of us. I am a self-confessed people pleaser, I just like to make other people happy. I’ve spoken about my selflessness and my issues with it in another post. Sometimes while I love to please people, I’m left feeling a little empty. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?
I feel like boundaries can be a little overlooked sometimes. Boundaries are a good way of learning to say no, they give you the knowledge of knowing what the limit is for you. What you chose as your boundaries are super personal to you. They are designed to make you feel safe and comfortable in situations. If your friends keep mithering you to go out drinking and calling your boring because you’re not going out because you have an important essay due – they are crossing a boundary.
STICK UP FOR YOURSELF
Being assertive and sticking to your guns can be really hard. This is especially true when, like me, you hate confrontation. I have real difficulties being assertive when it comes to my boundaries but I am learning. People usually stop mithering once you (kindly but strongly) decline their offers. It’s all about practice and perseverance. Once you start saying no and being more assertive, you will learn what the best approach is for you. Please don’t just give in because you’ll feel bad for saying no, your limits need to be respected.
I recently wrote a blog post about personal policies where I explained what they are and how I think they help us. I won’t go too in-depth here because that’s what the blog post is for but personal policies are basically little rules you set for yourself in order to stick to your true version of yourself. My example is that I hate feeling out of control or drunk so I have a personal policy to not drinking more than two alcoholic drinks at a social event. As trivial as it sounds, this is something that keeps me feeling content and safe within my boundaries.
BEING POLITE ABOUT IT
I recently read Sarah Knight’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck and she wrote about not being rude about declining or saying no and this is something that I really understood. Just because you are learning to say no doesn’t mean you need to turn into a mean person. When saying no or declining something, be nice about it. Even if you have to plan and practice your saying no response.
Thank you so much for reading. I hope this can help you say ‘no’ a little more. See you tomorrow for a new post. Have a lovely day and stay beautiful.
“Think about how much better your life would be if you could say no to the things you really don’t give a f*ck about” – Sarah Knight.
Lots of loves,