A few days ago I pressed ‘submit’ on the last assignment of my second year in university. As I did that a huge wave of nerves came over me that the next time I would submit something, it would be in my last year of uni. In all fairness, I’m not a huge fan of change anyway. But also because I love going to university. I love the environment, I love where I go to uni and on and on. I have often said that if we could just stay at uni and get loads of degrees that we would. It sounds super sad I know but I’d be down for that.
Another thing that frightens me is the fact that I have no idea what will happen after uni. I don’t really know what career I want to go into yet. Liam and I aren’t really sure where we want to live etc. The only thing I’m sure of is that I want to travel. So it’s just this cloud of not knowing. And I know that most students go through this at this time of their degree so I know I’m not singled out.
I find a slight bit of solace in the fact that I’m not the only one going through this. Nonetheless, it’s still a pretty shitty phase of life. You hear so often that people don’t get jobs linked to their degrees or that it takes them months to find a job because they’re either too overqualified or underqualified.
The constant questions about what I’m planning on doing after that I get from my family can make it all seem a little overwhelming. I mean, I’m so thankful that they care but some people can get a little snooty about it when I say I’m not sure. “What so you’ve gotten in all that debt for nothing?” “You could’ve just started working full time” etc etc etc. I have the very (un)fortunate label of “the first person in the family to go to university”. So understandably a lot of my family aren’t sure about the process and stuff so I give them some leniency. With this said, it can still be a little suffocating when everyone is expecting you to do so well and have all the plans and answers.
It’s frustrating for me not to know because I love making plans and I like to know what’s going to happen in advance, so not knowing my plans for after my stint in education is over is annoying for me.
I’ve been dreading the third year since I started university. Not only because of the workload, dissertation and planning for what’ll happen after. Also because I don’t want uni to end. In a really messed up way, going to university was a huge middle finger to myself. For years, I had convinced myself that I was stupid or that I was never going to amount to much or that I’d never better myself. So doing a degree has proved to myself that I can do amazing things when I put my mind to it and work hard.
It was also a huge middle finger to my anxiety. I NEVER thought I’d be able to walk about my own town alone without panicking, let alone a city like Wolverhampton. Never thought I’d make new friends. I never thought I’d take trains alone on most days of the week. I have really proved to myself that I am a lot more capable than I think. Even without living in halls, I have gained the confidence I never thought I would have in myself.
And that’s that on that. I’m sorry if this is a little bit rambly, this has been on my mind for a while. I needed to get it out of my head. I hope I didn’t bore you to death.
♡ Did you dread finishing university or look forward to it?
“Change is the only constant in life” – Heraclitus.
Until next time,