My love for writing about self-development and growth came from starting my own journey and watching some amazing influencers make good changes to their lives while also helping you to do the same.
The only problem is that I’ve started comparing myself to these people that I watch. I’ve mentioned Kalyn Nicholson, MuchelleB and Amy Landino before within blog posts because these are my favourite YouTubers who are big into personal development. I’ve found recently that when I’m watching them, rather than feeling motivated to make changes, I’m getting myself into a negative headspace. I’m not ashamed to admit that I can be a very jealous person. It’s not my favourite personality trait that I possess but I’m working on it hahah.
I can get jealous of their lifestyles and being a bit bitter about the time that they can spend on their self-development journey because they don’t work your conventional 9 to 5 job or they aren’t in university or living with their parents etc. Now, this isn’t to take away from these influencers because they work freaking hard to be in the position that they are and I’m not at all putting them down. It’s now how they make me feel, it’s how I’m making myself feel about them.
I’d love to live their lives. But I have to remind myself that I only see what they chose to show. They may not show the parts of life that aren’t so live your best life-y. I really have to remind myself that they are humans, like me with twenty-four hours in their day, like me. To reiterate, I feel no hatred towards them, they inspire me massively. But my inspiration is coming from a crappy place at the moment which is no help at all.
Rather than thinking “I want to implicate them changes into my life in order to be a happier person”. Or “that would be a good habit to pick up as it would save me time” etc. I’m being negative. I’m telling myself that I’m lazy or that I wouldn’t stick to the habit because I’m fickle. Or that I’ll never have a life like there’s because I don’t hustle for it. I’m using their advice to bully myself. Which a) the creators wouldn’t want and b) I don’t want. I only ever want myself to be on this journey because of positive things. There’s no space for negative vibes on this journey.
So, I’m taking a step back. I’m unsubscribing for two months to see how I feel after. Again, the problem isn’t with them, it’s with me. I know this pattern too well and if I continue watching them within a negative mindset I’ll slip back into habits that I’ve conquered these last few years. It’s super important to take a step back and look at your own behaviours from an outsiders point of view. We all have a few toxic traits here and there. There’s no shame in that at all. There’s also no shame in helping yourself find a way to deal with those traits and turn them into something positive.
This was super rambly and I don’t know if it will come out as I intended it to but hopefully, you got my flow. Keep your journey full of light and good vibes.
♡ Have you ever had to stop doing something because it was having a negative effect on your lifestyle?
“It’s hard to see things when you’re too close. Step back and look” – Bob Ross.
Until next time,