I am the most intolerant but tolerant person that you’ll ever meet. It can take a person five minutes to upset me but it can take five years for me to realise I deserve better than being made to feel that way. Lately, I’ve been trying to put myself first. This hasn’t been easy because I’m such a people-pleaser. In standing up for myself, I’ve discovered a hidden power within cutting people out of your life.
Now it’s not easy to cut people out and you shouldn’t do it on a whim but sometimes it is necessary. I recently cut my father out of my life. His behaviour and attitudes are toxic but for twenty-one years I’ve just put up with it. We’ve never had a brilliant relationship and keeping him in my life was really detrimental to my own mental health. So this year after a family tragedy I decided that it was time to realise my worth and cut him out.
It was hard. Really hard. But it has been worth it. I feel less anxious all the time. I, all-in-all, feel better. And that’s the thing. I feel crap that I had to do it but it was time. At first, cutting someone out of your life can feel really selfish but as I said before, it can be necessary. When these people are allowed to stay in your life, they are being allowed to continue making you feel really crap.
Sometimes you have to say that “enough is enough” and call it quits. Now, I know I’m making it sound really easy when it’s not. For some people, it might be simple to just stop talking to someone and for others, it can take a lot of time. It’s about knowing your self-worth.
You are worth more than to be constantly on edge when talking to someone. And you don’t need a reason why you’re worth more than them things, you just are. Once you believe that with all of your heart then there’s not much shit you’ll take again. I believed I deserved to be treated this way. That this was my ‘normal’. When I’d talk to others about my relationship with my father they would sometimes ask me why I put myself through that and I really couldn’t answer.
Your self-worth is something that only you can discover. Mine came to me this year when I was going through the loss of my Nanny Yvonne. A woman who took no shit of anyone and was the strongest woman I have ever known. My Nan would be so mad if she could see me allowing people to treat me badly. She’d be telling me that I deserve better. And I do. So do you.
Since cutting my toxic person out of my life, I feel a lot better. It really feels like a weight off of my shoulders. I’m aware that some people may be like ‘You can’t cut them out of your life their your father, sister, brother etc’ but ignore them. You do not have to have a relationship with anyone who makes you feel like less than you are. Focus on your happiness a bit more. You have to do what’s right for you.
“Toxic people will pollute everything around them, don’t be afraid to fumigate” – Mandy Hale.
Until next time,