Think Pieces

insecurity in relationships in the modern era

Woah, okay. This one is going to get a little bit deep and maybe even a little sociological so if you’re looking for something nice and fluffy, maybe read this post.

Relationships are tricky things. They have been for centuries and no doubt they will be until the end of time. But the 2010s seems to have bought on a whole new genre of problems within relationships. With the help of social media, it is seemingly now easier than ever to be unfaithful within a relationship. We no longer have to travel to have an affair, we can simply add someone on Facebook and chat away. I really believe that trust in relationships have decreased so so much and this is sad to see.

It’s like we live in this age of being with people but not trusting them. Sometimes the reason why we feel less likely to trust someone is that we’ve been hurt in relationships before. I did an Instagram poll which found that out of thirty-one people, 49% of them had been cheated on. While this isn’t a huge sample, it still goes to show that even out of a small group of people such as that, almost half of them had been in a relationship with infidelity before. This is 100% something I can relate to. As a teenager, I was in a crappy relationship with someone who used to sit there messaging other girls, flirting with them and saying that he wanted to be with them. So I can really relate to being hurt in the past.

When I first got with Liam, he was the first boyfriend I’d had since that experience so while I trust him with all my heart, I was scared that I would get hurt again. Whenever I’ve been a little insecure, I’ve told him and we’ve talked about it. He reassures me and I feel better after that. I’ve never been through his phone because I trust him. I don’t ever think that I have the right to go through his phone but if there was ever any concerns then I would just want to talk about it.

Again, out of the thirty-one people that participated in my poll, I found that 56% of them had been through their partner’s phone at one point. This actually shocked me a little bit if I’m honest. But, with that being said, every relationship is different. I am not here to judge how people are with their partner. It’s just interesting to see the dynamics of different relationships.

Going through each other’s phones and social media seems to have become a ‘norm’ in relationships these days and this is something that seems a little strange to me. We should be able to sit and talk about things without going through peoples accounts. I also took another poll that asked if people had access to their partner’s social media accounts where only 14% of people said yes. This may not always be for the purpose of looking through it though so I can’t say that they all have access because they think their partner is doing something on the downlow.

I’ve really conquered my fear of getting hurt in a relationship. Not only because I love and trust my boyfriend. But also because I can’t prevent it if it does happen. Fretting about it and being paranoid will just push him away and make it more likely that he’ll want to be with someone else.

So I’ve worked through my anxieties about that. I also believe that it’s not fair in the slightest to take out another person’s actions on someone who didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not Liam’s fault that someone decided to hurt me in the past so it shouldn’t be taken out on him.

With Liam and I being in a long-distance relationship, trust is the foundation of our relationship. As it should be with everyone. I can honestly say that if I didn’t trust Liam, I wouldn’t be with him and I’m certain that he would say the same too. It wouldn’t be worth the time, effort or money that goes into our relationship. As I mentioned before though, that is just my personal view on relationships. Some people may be building the trust back up with someone who has hurt them previously.

The last question of my poll gave me hope that love can survive the age of social media. I asked if people trusted their partner and 97% said yes! In my opinion, if you cannot trust who you’re with then I would end it. It’s a waste of your time to not feel secure in a situation where you should feel loved and appreciated.

I think that this kind of behaviour is very much amplified by what we see in the media. Tristan cheating on Kourtney. People on Jeremy Kyle failing lie detector tests about cheating. Michael coming back to the villa with Joanna after being with Amber.

All of these things create a culture in which we believe that we can feel secure with who we’re with because if Jay-Z can cheat on Beyonce then Jack from Doncaster can most definitely cheat on his girlfriend Lillie. Cheating has become such a normal part of our daily lives. It’s almost like maybe it’s become a cultural norm? Maybe. But the old romantic in me says that true love never dies.

We all have a different story to tell and that’s one of the most beautiful things that we can offer to each other as humans. The unique experiences that each of us goes through within our lives. Before I sign off, I would like to reiterate again that I am not trying to judge people’s relationships or put them down. I just wanted to observe this new trend that seems to be occurring in modern relationships. While I’m not at university I have to find some way to quiet my sociological mind aha.

♡ What are your thoughts? Has insecurity in relationships become normal in 2019?

“As your insecurities are nourished, your relationship is poisoned” – Dr Steve Maraboli.

Until next time,


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